Honey No. 37
Feat. how to score the best clothes deals online, and "my theory of relativity" aka "how I found out Albert Einstein's my cousin"
A few weeks ago my aunt Jane (more on her in the piece below!) texted me asking if I wanted some old family pictures that her kids didn’t want. I said yes of course (me: nostalgic, sentimental, town historian, etc etc), thinking that I would receive a few photographs, perhaps of my great-grandparents, and that would be that. Instead a few weeks later, after I’d completely forgotten about the whole thing, I received two large, framed portraits of my great-great-great-great grandparents: Julius Lindauer and Miriam Einstein.
I had never heard of either of these relatives, which wasn’t too surprising given that they passed away in the late 1800’s, but seeing as they were about to occupy a prominent space in my home (and since old portraits without a story can feel a little SPOOKY), I figured we should get acquainted. Fortunately I already had an ancestry.com presence established- during a nasty bout of the flu two years ago I procured my stepfather’s login and put many a fevered hour into detailing my family tree. After learning that for many generations in my dad’s Norwegian family, every man’s mother, wife, and daughter was named Ingeborg (IT’S THE PERFECT NAME SO I GET IT), I considered my familial tree itch scratched and haven’t checked the site since…until Julius and Miriam came knocking at my door.
If you haven’t looked at ancestry.com in a minute, or ever, allow me to paint the scene: you start by putting your own name in, and then entering information about your parents. At this point you might have to continue to manually name as many ancestors as you can recall, OR you might tap into a magical web of self-declared genealogists’ work, and the pre-discovered parents of each relative might glow green above their avatars. Sometimes you can catch a wild, ever-unfolding spree of pre-filled data, which is exactly how I landed at the turn of the 19th century with my new friends who are also my family.
Julius and Miriam were born in Germany in 1797 and 1802, respectively. A quick google search revealed that scholars have a lot to say about their village, Jebenhausen, or more specifically about, “the Jews of Jebenhausen.” Before 1800, Jews were completely excluded from German society- barred from owning land, from entering skilled trades and professions, and prohibited from living in many cities. In 1777, the barons who controlled the village of Jebenhausen allowed a small number of Jews to move there. Those 20 families, including my very own, paid annual “protection fees” to their Christian neighbors. They also had to pay those same neighbors to build their houses, since Jews were not allowed to practice trades such as carpentry. Over the next fifty years, the Jewish community grew to a peak of 550 people, roughly equal to the Christian population of 600. That was crazy!!!
Julius was a cattle trader in Jebenhausen, one of the few occupations available to Jews at the time. Together he and Miriam had nine children, seven of whom moved to America during a mass exodus in the mid-1800’s, one of whom was my great-great-great grandfather, Max. Unlike his other immigrant siblings, “Max Lindauer” became “Max Lindau” when he came to America in 1852, and Lindau is the surname my mom’s family carries to this day. Thank you, brave Max! Thank you, brave everyone!
When we first opened the pictures and read the other surname, “Einstein,” inscribed on the back, Jesse said, “I wonder if you’re related to Albert Einstein.” I answered that I might be, in the way that all Jews are connected if you sit down and parse it out for long enough. But as my research about their tiny village intensified, and a quick Wikipedia scan of Einstein’s relatives clarified, it turned out that some of Albert Einstein’s cousins with a different last name also lived in Jebenhausen. What are the freaking odds, I thought, that his cousins would be in there but my Einsteins were no relation? And so, my ravenous hunt began.
As I mentioned before, while some branches of a family tree auto-populate online, others absolutely do not, and this was one that remained just out of my reach for the solid portion of an afternoon. For MANY hours I sat at my computer toggling back and forth between images of my own family tree and Albert Einstein’s, trying to parse out which Baruchs and Moyseses and Naphtalis in the 16- and 1700’s could possibly be our common ancestor and which of the many were simply red herrings. I had gone to yoga that morning and needed to be somewhere at 5:30 and truly the rest of my day was sitting at the dining room table, needing to take a shower, figuring out how I was related to Albert Einstein.
And then finally, I did it. I found my way back to our common ancestor: Abraham Einstein, born in 1689. Abraham had many grandchildren, two of whom were named Leopold and Naphtali. Leopold’s daughter was Miriam, whose portrait now sits in my house, and Naphtali’s great-great-great grandson was Albert Einstein, my fifth cousin three times removed. Abraham Einstein is my seventh great grandfather and Albert Einstein’s fourth great grandfather. Is this making sense? We’re close, is what I’m saying. We’re close.
Does it seem apt that my journey towards discovering an ancestral connection with Albert Einstein took so many hours of sleuthing and so much incredible brain power? I think so, but really I don’t know much about the guy. My extended-family text thread quickly pointed out that Albert cheated on his first wife with his first cousin, which perhaps added some context for our own tight-knit family, but offered little else on the topic of his genius, his lifetime, or his legacy. So now it’s back to the drawing board for me, the researcher, the student, the great thinker of my family, out to get the scoop on my old cousin, Al. Typical.
Annabel Lindau is Albert Einstein’s 5th cousin 3x removed, and my beloved first cousin. She has impeccable taste and is an incredible bargain hunter, and I encourage you all to take notes!
I have tried with all my might to avoid the trope of becoming my mother. Don't get me wrong, she is incredible, I just don't want to be exactly like her. However, despite my best efforts, I am failing, quite noticeably, in one particular way: if someone tells me they like my shirt? My immediate response is "$3! I got it at the Humane Society in Wells, Maine!" Then my hand inevitably flies to my forehead, and I let out a deep, guttural cry of surrender.
I am not proud of telling EVERYONE how much EVERYTHING I am wearing costs, but I am proud of my (and my mother's) ability to find a deal. I am 30 and in the thick of all my friends getting married. I haven't technically been in any wedding parties, but I have been given murky directions on what to wear to a wedding because I WILL be in PICTURES and they want people to seem coordinated. It is all confusing to me, and a true drain on my bank account. I could buy a pocketbook-friendly dress that fits within the strange color/pattern/material parameters I have been given, but I want something I will be able to rewear for years to come. Thus, I must go on my own Odyssean journey to find a dress I love, that I will wear forever, that will fit within my budget and that will be approved by the bride (sigh). This is where my mother's blood starts to course through me and I start trembling this anticipation. This is the shit I LOVE. Now, I will share my tips for finding a good deal on that thing you want and maybe even need so dearly.
Know your measurements. Take a dress (shirt/pant) you love and fits you perfectly and measure it at the bust, waist and hip. Commit those measurements to memory.
Pay more attention to measurements than to sizes. On poshmark, depop etc, ask for measurements if they are not listed. On therealreal, bust, waist and hip measurements are listed under the details section.
If the measurements are right, feel comfortable buying even if it is on super sale and cannot be returned.
Download the app to get an additional discount, then delete! Often, websites will give you an extra 10-20% off if you download the app. Do that if you see something you love! Then immediately delete the app so that you do not keep buying... (really the hardest part).
Make sure it is not outlet/factory brand. Saksoff5th and other outlet retailers have specific items that are made exclusively for the outlet stores. Those things are normally worse quality. If you see something you like on an outlet website, make sure it is not made for the outlet by:
Looking how much of the item there is. If there are a million in every size, it is probably made for the outlet, and you might want to avoid.
Copy and paste the product into google. Is it also being sold at other fancy retailers? If not, it is probably made for the outlet. If you also see the item on netaporter, then you are good to go and you just got yourself a GREAT deal!
If you love something expensive, copy and paste the product into google and scroll downnnnnn no matter what! Independent small store retailers ship everywhere now, and they might be having a sale on your beloved object.
Large department stores have incredible sales. TRULY INCREDIBLE. Bergdorf Goodman and Neiman Marcus have particularly good sales after the Christmas holiday and I feel like they are often forgotten by millenials. Usually, the sales are up to 80% off....just saying.
If you love a brand, and you have time, go try things on! See how the brand fits you and what size you run in, and then keep your eyes peeled for sales later on.
Keep things in your checkout for a while.....often stores will send you further discount codes if they see something has been in your checkout basket for a week.
I hope these tips help you and that you find the piece of your dreams. If you do go on this journey, and find something you love, be aware that the moment you receive a compliment, you will shout, "Originally $350! I got it for $47.35!" rather than saying thank you. Then, feel free to throw your hands towards the sky in supplication towards the indomitable spirit of my mother.
That’s all for this week folks! Though I do have one final note re the ancestry.com of it all…
I could have written an entire second piece about how staggeringly humbling and awe-inspiring it has been to see the visual web of dozens, hundreds (thousands, etc) of people who had to survive so that you, I, could make it here. It has been so moving to see and learn the names of all of these people, so many of whom I’ve never heard of, and to learn the fragments that I’ve gleaned about the stories of their lives.
Studying this network of my family has made me hyper-aware of what a privilege it is to be alive right now, in this body, with this brain, with quirks and traits that feel unique to my person but that have undoubtedly rippled through the generations in smirking, secret streams. As I topple into my 30’s and am met with my first gray hairs and the suggestions of a changing body and system, it has been a beautiful reminder that this is a part of my legacy, and how lucky I am to get to see it.
I want to leave you with some lyrics from a new, unreleased Big Thief song that speaks to this feeling:
"I'm afraid of getting older," that's what I learned to say
'Cause society has given me the words to think that way
The message spins and spirals, "Don't get saggy, don't get grey"
But the soft and lovely silvers are now falling on my shoulder
My mother and my grandma, my great-grandmother too
They wrinkle like the river, sweeten like the dew
And as silver as the rainbow scales that shimmer purple blue
How can beauty that is living be anything but true?
And a video of the full song if you’d like to see it:
Have a wonderful day, you! You beauty that is LIVING!!
xx Olivia